Reddit Cancels Woman for Refusing to Acknowledge Mixed-Race Adopted Girl as "Real" Grandchild
Elizabeth Morey
Did you know that the saying "blood is thicker than water" was originally meant to be used to say the opposite of what we mean when we say it today? The original quote is, "the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb," and it implies that the connections we pledge ourselves to by choice are more important and stronger than the ones we are bound to by genetics.
This man's Reddit post in the popular Am I the A-hole (AITA) forum is a great example of the truth of this statement. He may be biologically related to his mother, but he'd rather cut ties with her than allow her to hurt the daughter whose life he's been in for five years and whom he plans to adopt on his wedding day.
Reddit user Working-Secretary216 begins his post by explaining that he is 33 and met his 25-year-old fiancée five years ago, when her daughter was five. The couple didn't start dating until three years ago, when his fiancée finished college, but since that time, he has regarded the girl as his own daughter.
"She worked her ass off as a single mom to get her high school diploma and then her teaching degree after her parents kicked her out when she got pregnant," OP relays. "She did eventually reconcile, and they helped her with childcare while she finished school. We met when she was a student teacher at the school where I work.
"For the last two years, her daughter has been my daughter. I am adopting her as part of our wedding. Because I am her dad."
OP goes on to say that he and his fiancée are white, while their daughter is of mixed race. This fact is of little importance to OP and his fiancée, but it may have been part of what prompted an inappropriate comment from OP's mother that OP could not tolerate.
"I overheard my mother saying she can't wait to have a real grandchild," OP says. "I immediately asked what she meant by that. She said that she just means it's obvious that my daughter isn't biologically mine. She says that she wants a child that is obviously her grandchild to show off.
"I would never in a million years have guessed those words would come out of my mother," he writes.
OP was appalled by his mother's words and even went so far as to uninvite her from his wedding and cut her out of his life. At the time of writing, he was also considering blocking her on social media, especially since she keeps messaging him and claiming it's all his fault, not hers.
"My family thinks I should give her another chance," says OP. "I don't want her and her attitude near my family. My fiancée says it's my call. But I know she is hurt by what my mother said. AITA?"
Some commenters pointed out that his mom's comment may not have been motivated by race, but rather a simple desire to have a biological grandchild whose life she would be in from the time of his or her birth. Most, however, said that didn't excuse her behavior.
Roadgoddess writes, "OP, you are definitely NTA, and thank you for stepping up and protecting this child. Shame on your mom. What’s worse is that she doubled down on her statement when you called her out on it."
"NTA - not all racists wear white sheets and burn crosses," says DumbestManEver. "Your mother would consistently treat your daughter as 'less than' for the rest of the old bat’s miserable life. When you have cancer, you shrink it small enough to excise it. This is precisely what you are doing to what will definitely be a cancer to your child moving forward. Good riddance to bad rubbish."
Repulsive-Ad-8456 perhaps said it best: "OP, I need you to look me in my internet eyes and listen very closely and take this to heart: you are NTA. Not even a little. You are as far from the opposite of TA as one can get. The fact that your mom isn't even sorry about what she said speaks volumes about how you did the right thing. As someone whose 'stepdad is my real dad in my eyes, and his, and my family's eyes, anyone who won't accept that isn't welcome in our lives, as they clearly aren't actually family.
"Family isn't blood, family is the people who love us and are there for us through the darkest times," Repulsive-Ad-8456 continues. "Family is the people who will put themselves in front of us to protect us. Family is who you choose. You are her dad, and if your mom won't accept that, then she doesn't get to be a grandma."
After reading some of the comments on his post, OP edited it to add that he has decided to have a talk with his mom and see if he can work things out, even though he is still wary and unwilling to let her make his daughter feel "less than." Here's to hoping he can patch up his relationship with his mom without hurting his fiancée and daughter further.
