30 Funny Nicknames for Post-Surgery Breasts and Chests

30 Funny Nicknames for Post-Surgery Breasts and Chests

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There's no shortage of pseudonyms for the girls: Twin Peaks, Lady Lumps, Fun Bags, and other increasingly ridiculous euphemisms. But what about women who are no longer au naturel? If natural breasts get a laundry list of aliases, should breast cancer survivors get their own list of tongue-in-cheek names suited to a post-mastectomy or lumpectomy lifestyle?

Perhaps it would be more mature to simply move on, but in an effort to make folks smile, we have elected to not be mature and to list our 30 favorite candidates for new nicknames. We've created aliases appropriate for the many breast options a woman has after breast cancer surgery—there's something for everyone! Our hope is that some of these eye-roll-worthy names will make you smile (or groan) and help you keep a positive attitude. Enjoy!

For Those Who Undergo Lumpectomies:


1. Lump-free lattes

2. Seedless Watermelons

3. Nut-free cinnamon buns

"NEXT" for more nicknames

For Those Who Have Single Mastectomy:


4. The Lonely Mountain

This is for all The Lord of the Rings fans out there who also happened to have a single mastectomy. You might also be able to use The Two Towers if you later get a prosthetic or have reconstruction.

5. The Fraternal Twins

6. Tip & Dip

Do you still have one natural nipple but your reconstructed breast is flat? Meet Tip and Dip. Or Tippy and Dippy. Tipsy and Dipsy... Okay I'm stopping now...

"NEXT" for more nicknames

For Those Who Choose Prosthetics


7. Strapped-In Sisters

8. I-can't-believe-they're-not-breasts!

9. Shoulder Swingers

10. Perky Portables

11. Low-Commitment Lady Lumps

"NEXT" for more nicknames

For those with double Mastectomy with Reconstruction


12. Implant Islands

13. Silicon Sisters

14. Man-Made-Mammories

15. Dairy-Free Sundaes

16. Bionic Bosoms

17. Foobies (aka "Fake Boobies" Credit to Survivor Angela for this one!)

"NEXT" for more nicknames

For Those Who Choose To Go Flat


18. Distant Mammories

19. The Great Plains

20. Feminine Flatlands

21. Low-Profile Lady Zone

22. "Chest is Best"

"NEXT" for more nicknames

For Those Who Forgo Nipple Reconstruction


23. The Ultimate T-Shirt Boobs

24. Double Scoop No Cherry

25. Golden Globes

26. Cutie Cue Balls

"NEXT" for more nicknames

For Those Who Opt for Nipple Reconstruction or Nipple Tattoos


27. Big Tippers

28. High Beams

29. Top-of-the-line Toppers

30. Perky Pinnacles


Did we make you smile? Did we miss one of your favorite names? Let us know! Keep smiling, friends!

Katie Taylor

Katie Taylor started writing in 5th grade and hasn't stopped since. Her favorite place to pen a phrase is in front of her fireplace with a cup of tea, but she's been known to write in parking lots on the backs of old receipts if necessary. She and her husband live cozily in the Pacific Northwest enjoying rainy days and Netflix.

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